Spring has arrived. The yard smells completely different. My job just got a lot more interesting.
I’m Jasper, and I take my backyard patrol duties very seriously. Every season brings new challenges, new smells, and new suspicious activity. But spring? Spring is the Super Bowl of backyard investigation. Everything wakes up at once, and I have to assess all of it.
Here’s my official spring patrol report.
The Bunny Situation
There are bunnies. There were always bunnies, but winter kind of put them on pause. Now they’re back and they are BOLD. I don’t know if they forgot about me over the winter or if they’re just not scared of me anymore. Either way, this is unacceptable.
I’ve spotted at least two distinct individuals operating in my yard. I’ve named them Suspect A and Suspect B. They eat the grass near the fence. They freeze when I look at them. And then, when I take one step in their direction, they disappear under the fence like they’ve been trained.
They have been trained. I’m convinced of this.
My official recommendation: more patrols. Specifically, I need to be outside more often in the early morning hours when Suspect A and Suspect B are most active. My humans seem reluctant to facilitate this. We’re working on it.
The Smell Report
The smells are completely different than they were a month ago. I want to be specific about this because I don’t think humans fully understand what “the yard smells different” means from a dog’s perspective.
In winter, the yard has maybe fifteen distinct smells. Cold air. Frozen ground. Maybe a squirrel that passed through yesterday. Simple. Clean. Low information.
In spring, the yard has approximately four hundred smells. The ground thawing. The grass starting to grow. Worms near the surface (more on this). Birds doing whatever birds do. The neighbor’s dog walking by on the other side of the fence. Something that was buried under the snow that I really need to investigate more thoroughly.
My nose has been working overtime. I’m not complaining. This is what I trained for.
The Worm Situation
Spring means worms. This is a fact of life. They come to the surface when the ground is wet and they are EVERYWHERE after a rain. I don’t fully understand worms. But they’re in my yard and therefore they’re my business.
My official stance on worms: fascinating but not worth eating. I learned this lesson once and once was enough.
New Growth Assessment
Things are growing in the yard. The grass is getting longer. There are green things coming up in the flower beds. Little shoots and sprouts appearing overnight.
I don’t know what all of them are. My humans seem very excited about some of them and less excited when I try to sniff them up close. Apparently certain plants are “delicate” and don’t appreciate a thorough nose-press investigation.
I’m doing my best to balance thoroughness with restraint. It’s a process.
The Bird Problem
The birds are back and they are LOUD. I have complicated feelings about birds. On one hand, they’re fascinating. On the other hand, they can fly and I cannot, which puts me at a significant tactical disadvantage.
There’s a robin that’s been building something in the bushes near the fence. I’ve been watching it. It knows I’ve been watching it. We have an understanding.
The squirrels, meanwhile, are absolutely a security threat. They were a security threat in winter too, but at least they were slow then. Now they’re fast and they’re everywhere and they make the most infuriating sound when they see me.
Final Spring Patrol Assessment
Status: Active threat environment. Multiple species operating in yard. Smell database requires significant updating. Morning patrol hours must be expanded.
I’m requesting increased outdoor access, additional treat provisions to support field operations, and at least one good run through the wet grass per day.
The yard isn’t going to investigate itself.
Spring has arrived. I’m on it. 🌿